Why Women Are Wondrous: Parshas Emor
Rebbetzin Cohen approached the stranger who was lounging on the patio of the Miami Beach Hotel.
"Hello", she greeted cheerfully with a clearly Yiddish intonation, "I see det you ahrr a newcomer!"
The stranger replied in a heavily Brooklynese accent : "Yeah, lady. But how did know ?"
"Vell", she continued, "you look vite, like a vite fish. You dunt get much sun."
"Yeah", confided the stranger," I just spent 10 years in the 'can',
you know , in the 'joint', in prison."
"Ten years !!! Dets a long time! Ken I ask vot you did?"
"Well, a drunken driver killed my wife. I hunted him down, I chopped his body into little pieces with an axe, and I pickled the pieces in his favorite vodka."
Without missing a beat she replied, "oh, so your single!"
******
Woman have a privileged capacity to see the good and to use it as an opportunity for bonding. This week's parsha, Emor (Lev., 21:1-24:23) subtly alludes to this aptitude.
Harmony by Dov Lederberg
The parsha begins by warning the Priests (Kohanim) that they may not
participate in the commandment (mitzvah) of taking care of the body of
a deceased person. However, a Kohain may do so for "the flesh that is
closest to him, for his mother, his father, his son, his daughter, his
brother, and his unmarried sister."
To whom does "the flesh that is closest to him" refer? Is this just a
collective noun for the people enumerated in the list, all of whom are
literally blood relatives? No. That would be a misreading of the text.
The commentator Rashi explains that the word for "flesh" used here
( שארו
, sh'ai-RO) "refers to none but his wife".
A question: why does the Torah here use a subtle, hidden, allusion that
is prone to being misunderstood. Would it not be simpler just to say
"אשתו, his wife"?
A very similar question occurs later in the parsha. The text (22:28)
specifies that if you slaughter an ox (שור) you may not also slaughter his
offspring on that same day. Despite this explicit verse, you are, in fact,
allowed to do that! Why? Rashi explains that the Rabbi's stated that the
verse refers to the female of the species (the cow, not the ox).
What is the underlying logic of giving special treatment to the cow-calf
dyad, but not to the ox-calf relationship? This is one of the places
where Torah recognizes the specialness of the maternal bond over
paternal ties. Torah allows us to kill animals for our food, Nonetheless,
on a symbolic level, it would be cruel and barbarous to kill both mother
and child, even though they are animals.
Returning to our initial case of the Kohain's wife, the marital bond takes
priority over his ties to his literal blood relatives. She, "and none but the
wife" is his flesh.
We remain with the question: In making these points, why does Torah
speak in so hidden a way, a way subject to misconstruction?
There are at least 2 answers. One is that often the deepest truths in
Torah are expressed in concealed ways; only he who is willing to devote
himself to Torah study will be able to unearth the sweet depths of
Torah. In the language of the Sayings of the Fathers (5:21), regarding
Torah study, הפוך בה והפוך בה"delve into it, delve into it," or "turn it
upside down".
When we have to work to grasp the "real meaning" of something, the
process makes a more powerful impression on us. Had the initial verse
above simply said, "his wife, his father, ....", we might have seen all the
relatives as having equal status.
A second answer for the obliqueness of the writing is that this deep
delving into the non-literal, hidden, mystical meaning of a verse is
particularly appropriate when looking at the manifestations of the
Female Force in our universe. The Female Force deals with hidden,
mystical, and trans-rational connections; in contrast the Male Force
deals with openly revealed, less complex, and rational influences.
The Moon symbolizes "Female", whereas the Sun symbolizes "Male."
On a spiritual level, it is the Female side of our androgynous soul that
provides a more robust tie to Hashem, through Faith.
In contrast the Male side of our soul connects through a more fragile
Rationality that can be disrupted by incomprehensible life crises ( such
as the Holocaust, or people's individual traumas).
On a practical day-to-day level, in my work as an individual and marital
therapist, I see the admonition of both Kabbalists and Sociologists that
for the most part it is the women in a society that teach men about love
and loyalty.
Wedding scene by Yehudit Yellin
May we revel in our being nurtured by the Female Forces around us, such that we merit Hashem's Ultimate Nurturance, with the coming of Moshiach.
Happy Mother's Day
Dr. Yisroel Susskind is a clinical psychologist who practices locally (in Monsey, New York) and internationally (over the telephone and computer). He lectures worldwide on topics involving Torah, psychology, marriage and interpersonal relationships. He can be reached via email (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) or by phone (845-304-5481).
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