Shelach
Have you balanced the Male and Female forces in your own personality and in your marriage?
ב"ה
Your Male/Female balance cures resentment:
Shelach
Ed Yisroel Susskind, Ph.D.
June 13, 2017
Kabbalah teaches that men's and women's souls possess both Male and Female powers. Have you balanced the Male and Female forces in your own personality and in your marriage?
In Parshas Shelach (Num.13:1-15:41) the interplays between masculine and feminine forces range from intriguing, to mystical to mind-blowing. Let's look at three incidents in the parsha, and then apply their teachings to our lives.
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The Israelites demanded that Moses send spies to reconnoiter Canaan, before any invasion (see Deut.1:22). Hashem says to Moses(Num 13:1), "send forth men, since that is your wish, to spy out the Land."
The commentator , the Kli Yakar , notes that Moses chose to send Men; in contrast, Hashem would have preferred to send Women. Why?
Hashem knew that the women's love of the Land would have overcome the very fears that led the men to disparage the land:
"לפי דעתי, ...היה יותר טוב לשלוח נשים המחבבות את הארץ,
כי לא יספרו בגנותה.
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A second incident: Moses mystically changes Joshua's name from its original Hoshea הושע to Joshua יהושע, by adding the letter yud(י) to "Hoshea". Our Sages ask, "From where did Moses take the letter yud that he gave to Hoshea?"
They answer: in Gen.17:150, Hashem changed the name of our Matriarch Sarah to "Sarah" from her original name "Sarai", by dropping the yud at the end of her name and replacing it with the letter hay (ה). Moses blended that feminine yud from Sarai into Hoshea's name, thereby grounding Joshua in a deeper level of faith; that faith protected Joshua from the influence of the 10 spies.
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The next blending of Male and Female is mind-blowing.
Shelach's Haftorah reading (Josh.2:1-24) relates how spies, sent 40 years later by Joshua, were saved by the 'innkeeper" Rahab of Jericho. In return, the Israelites agreed to spare her family.
What kind of an "innkeeper" was Rahab? She is called an "isha zona" (אִשָּׁה זוֹנָה ). Some commentaries explain that "isha zonah" here does not have its usual meaning, but rather derives from the word " mazon", meaning food. Sohere, "isha zona" means a woman who provides food, thus an innkeeper.
Jewish tradition relates that Joshua married Rahab and from that union there descended eight Prophets, including the prophet Jeremiah.
So what is so "mind-blowing" about this marriage? After all, Rahab did convert and she was probably a terrific cook.
However, other sources (see Megillah,14b) state the word zonah here does have its usual meaning, which is "prostitute" or "wanton woman": Rahab was an incredibly sensual prostitute and courtesan to royalty. How does a woman with this background end up married to the leader of the Israelites? If, today, her equivalent was suggested to you as a fiancée for your son, would you eagerly embrace her as a daughter-in-law? Where was Joshua's mother?
During the conquest of Canaan, Rahab not only converted, but truly repented. Her powerful feminine energies could then be sublimated through Joshua's energies. Kabbalah teaches that Female energy is broad and can spread in many directions simultaneously. Chana Bracha Siegelbaum, of Israel's B'erot Bat Ayin, notes that " Rahab" literally means "broad, wide".
In contrast, the Male energy is narrowly and intensely focused. Rahab's unbridled capacity to connect was channeled by Joshua toward a passionate relationship with Hashem.
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Can this idea of balancing Male and Female forces be applied to our family life?
Consider the issue of resentment.
Resentment harms the vessel in which it is stored,
more than any object on which it is poured
two anecdotes:
Chaim, a man of modest means, resents his only child Dovid, a 22 year old. Chaim wants a truly loving relationship with his son, but sees Dovid as selfish. His son makes financial demands on him, oblivious to his stress. For example, Dovid wants to continue his education, while being supported by Chaim. Chaim believes that Dovid's academic plans are self-indulgent and will not enhance his employability; nonetheless, he feels pressured to give in. So Chaim succumbs financially, but then cannot stop himself from showing a sour, critical demeanor towards Dovid. In response, Dovid limits his contact with his father, which only adds to Chaim's resentment. Why does Chaim capitulate? Because on some non-articulated level, perhaps even unconscious, he is afraid. He fears that, otherwise, Dovid won't love him.
This father has a strong ability to bond. Since childhood, he has been extremely loyal and dedicated to his extended family. From a Kabbalistic perspective, that ability draws from the Feminine side of his soul. But he is deficient in the counterbalancing Masculine trait, the ability to stand alone. My advice to this father was to give abundantly to Dovid, materially and especially emotionally, but only to a limit; that limit was the point where he could do so with no resentment.
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A full-time Mom is married to a powerful businessman. The family attorney and the family doctor have warned her that her husband's excessive drinking and his high-stakes gambling pose a danger to him and the family.
She is afraid to confront her spouse. All she ever wanted was to be a homemaker and nurturer. What he if threatens to divorce her? She feels helpless. Helplessness breeds sour resentment.
Her therapist advised her to be deeply mindful of her love for her children and her commitment to protect them. That love overpowered her fear and she found the courage to both confront and support her husband.
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Many relationship problems, especially resentment, result from an imbalance between Male and Female attributes. We can learn to bring forth the powers of our souls, abilities such as nurturance, courage, confrontation, dedication, and surrender.
And as we do our work, may Hashem correspondingly do His, by bringing forth the era of Moshiach.
Dr. Yisroel Susskind is a clinical psychologist who practices locally (in Monsey, New York) and internationally (over the telephone and computer). He lectures worldwide on topics involving Torah, psychology, marriage and interpersonal relationships. He can be reached via email (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) or by phone (845-304-5481).
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