Eikev: Mastering Joy; Starting on the Path
ב"ה
Eikev: Mastering Joy; Starting on the Path
Ed Yisroel Susskind, Ph.D.
August, 2017
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Joy. Do you know how to be joyous? What is your capacity for Joy?
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"Serve Hashem joyously." Serve Hashem by living your life with a sense of joyous appreciation, despite life's ups and downs. So we are commanded in Psalms, 100:2 ; in fact, the name of the psalm is "a psalm for giving thanks."
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We are told (Lev.6:6) to "keep an eternal flame on the altar, it should not (not = לא) be extinguished".
אֵש תָּמִיד תּוּקַד עַל הַמִּזְבֵּחַ
תִכְבֶּה לֹא
The Ba'al Shem Tov translates the verse homiletically: "Keep a constant flame on your internal altar; then all negativity) negativity = לא ) will be extinguished."
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Some philosophers say that the measure of a person's life is their ability to accept and bear life's burdens, even to be so detached from any physical needs that are numb and don't feel the burden. "No," objects Torah emphatically. Torah seems to be saying "It is not enough to toughen up and bear life. You need to be able to Rejoice in the magnificence of Life. "
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Bearing up is not enough for a marriage to survive and nurture its children.
I treated a couple who were in a great deal of pain. Both of them were hard-working, responsible, skilled, and ethical. However, neither knew how to see beyond the significant flaws in their partner and connect with the "wonderful" in their spouse. They both reacted angrily to their perception that they had been cheated in their marriage. The husband resigned himself to the fact that he had never felt special growing up and would never feel special in his marriage. He couldn't delight even in the specialness of his children ("They're good kids, but nothing special.") The wife was furious: " I wanted a romantic husband who would admire me!"
Bearing up is an admirable quality. Winston Churchill said, "When you are going through hell , keep going. " But bearing up is not enough. We are commanded to be Joyous.
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But what about when"stuff happens". How can Torah command us to feel a feeling, as this week's parsha does?
"And now, Israel, what does Hashem, your G-d, ask of you but to fear Hashem, your G-d, to go in all his ways and to love Him..." (Deut. 10:12).
Ok, I can force myself "to go in his ways"; but how do I make myself feel love for Him? What do I do when I am experiencing difficult emotions (sadness, anger, fear, resentment...)? Analogously, how do I approach family members with joy when they have upset me?
"Bad feelings come from bad thoughts." This concept was considered a major innovation by Cognitive Psychotherapy, in the 1950's: many of our bad feelings are unnecessary and avoidable, when they are caused, in fact, by our irrational or arbitrary thoughts ("cognitive distortions"); we get stuck with unnecessary bad feelings because we misperceive and misinterpret events.
Certainly, there are times when our pain is caused by a sudden negative change in our lives. But when the pain persists over time, we need to either change the cause of the pain or accept that this cause cannot be changed. If we can neither change nor accept, it is usually a sign that we are trapped by a cognitive distortion.
This "modern" approach to negating negativity, and enhancing joy, was anticipated thousands of years ago in traditional Torah teachings, including those found in parshas Eikev.
The parsha contains a word that is unique in the Pentateuch,וקשת, pronounced " tee-vah-kaish". It means, "you will be ensnared or trapped". It appears in the context of Hashem's commandment that the Israelites destroy all of the Canaanite idols to avoid being ensnared by them (Deut. 7:25). This word "tee-vah-kaish" appears nowhere else in the Five Books.
How might this commandment be relevant to us?
The Lubavitcher Rebbe has noted that all of Hashem's instructions in the Torah are meant to be eternal, applicable for all the generations. But, how does Eikev's warning about the "snare" apply to our generation, where few, if any, of us are drawn to worship Canaanite "deities"?
We may find an answer in the places where our Sages talk about "snares". There, the Rabbis are typically referring to the actions of our "evil inclination", the "yetzer harah", that attempts to lead us to sin. Often, traditional Jewish philosophy uses an additional word for snare, namely, tachbulah, which comes from the Hebrew word for rope (chevel).
How does the yetzer harah lead us, Heaven forbid, to sin? By "messing with our heads", by distorting our perceptions and beliefs, by creating what clinical psychologists label as "cognitive distortions".
As a therapist who deals a lot with creating marital harmony, I see the pervasive and pernicious influence of the yetzer harah in creating cognitive distortions and hostility.
The Talmud describes the yetzer harah as a
seven-headed snake that has seven-names.
In this week's dvar Torah, I would like to discuss
one of the seven cognitive manipulations of the yetzer harah; to defeat that manipulation, we must traverse one of the seven paths to Joy. The first path
is The Path of Appreciation.
In His own incomprehensible wisdom, Hashem has chosen to implant within us a certain struggle: people have a biological propensity to be unappreciative. The primary brain hormone (neurotransmitter) required for us to experience pleasure is called dopamine; it stimulates the pleasure center in the brain. However, the problem is that dopamine requires novelty.
Something good enters our lives; it triggers dopamine. We feel blessed, fortunate. However, after a few hours or months, it no longer touches our hearts. Unless we actively combat our built-in biology, we are naturally wired to take blessings for granted and become ungrateful.
Parshas Eikev repeatedly warns us to actively appreciate Hashem's bounty; to not have a sense of entitlement, self-righteousness, arrogance and haughtiness about those gifts (Deut. 8:14,17; 9:4-6.), to avoid a delusion that עס קומט מיר .
In a scholarly, yet readable and practical text, The How of Happiness, Prof. Sonja Lyobomirsky asks, "Why do life changes account for so little [in our sense of happiness]?" She answers, " Because of... 'hedonic adaptation". Human beings..become rapidly accustomed...to changes... Relocations, marriages, [and] job changes...make you happier for a time, but only a short time." ( p.48)
Is there a solution to this problem? The professor suggests that we intentionally and actively think about the good things in our lives and that we actively, daily, seek opportunities to express gratitude.
Torah tells us that every day, every second, Hashem actively recreates the world and infuses it with vitality. We need to act similarly, by giving a sense of fresh appreciation for the various good things present in our lives, and doing it consciously, multiple times a day.
Did you convey to someone today that they are appreciated by you? Will you commit to doing that tomorrow? Do you also seek out the company of people who convey that they appreciate you? In future divrei Torah, I hope , G-d willing, to discuss the other 6 paths to Joy that defang the seven-headed snake.
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And may our serving of Hashem through Joy bring us the Ultimate Joy, with the coming of Moshiach, immediately.
Dr. Yisroel Susskind is a clinical psychologist who practices locally (in Monsey, New York) and internationally (over the telephone and computer). He lectures worldwide on topics involving Torah, psychology, marriage and interpersonal relationships. He can be reached via email (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) or by phone (845-304-5481).
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